This question comes to me from a client: March25, 2013
When old friends are no longer a good fit it is important to accept that this is entirely about you. If you can understand that you are an experience you will be able to meet this consideration from a consciousness shifting perspective.
You ARE Â an experience, and you are HAVING an experience. This subtle difference will allow you to be consciously aware of how you meet the experience, and how you meet the people (old friend) in your experience. Your experience is a lot like a movie, and you are the star of this move, and all the people in your experience are actors in your movie. When your awareness tells you, you ARE an experience the presser for you to do your life, or have other people do their life in a certain way becomes meaningless. When your awareness tells you, you are HAVING an experience you are able to relax the stress of trying to make things happen. With the awareness that you are an experience comes the responsibilities of being a conscious presence, and that’s an investment worth investigating.
Once you accept this level of responsibility for yourself the only ‘fit’ you are concerned about is the way that you fit into, or meet your experience. You have to ask yourself – why does my old friend no longer feel like a good fit?
Did they do something to hurt your feeling?
Are they behaving in ways that for you are uncomfortable?
Regardless of the actual circumstances you are having your experience – Â they are having their experience. You are never having the same experience despite looking as if it is happening that way. Honoring your experience, and accepting the responsibility that everything that happens in your experience is a result of your consciousness. Consciousness precedes the reality you see with your eyes. Without your consciousness there would be no reality for you.
Granted most people walk around completely unconscious of their perceptions, and spend most of the experience they are having reacting to the events unfolding. They are often reacting to their life from a unconscious energy pattern that is in past time. They are unable to meet their experience because they believe that the experience is happening to them, and not because of them. They don’t want to or can’t take responsibility for meeting their experience because they believe they do not know how to do that, or don’t have the capacity to care about themselves in that way.
Either way it is slipper slope, and suffering is often times the result of a situation where even asking a question such as this about an old friend is entirely about you, and your ability to be present, and actually find out what this question is really asking you. Regardless of what the old friend did or is doing. It is your responsibility to be present with yourself, and accept what is occurring in your experience.
When you start to live your life as an experience, and an expression of you current consciousness you see things very differently. Understanding that your old friends are just reading the scrip you gave them to act out in your movie you will then start to comprehend that its all about you, and has nothing to do with them.
If your old friend yelled at you, and hurt your feeling that is a reflection of what is within your own conscious event, and that yelling, and hurt is actually within you. Your old friend is just acting out the part so you can find the meaning, and purpose of the experience in order for your consciousness to grow, and change. This is a paradigm shifting consideration of yourself, and your reality will change simply because you are able to be present with what happens no matter what that turns out to be, or how it feels. Consciousness is our universe aware of itself, and your body is a means to that end. Consciousness is here to learn, and grow. You are personally identified because of your mind but as you are well aware life on Earth appears to be temporary. Allowing this opportunity for the consciousness that streams through you to BE embraced by ‘you’ will completely change the experience we accept as reality.
Allowing your old friend the grace to have their experience, and you be an actor in their experience is an awareness that is forgiving to yourself, and to your old friend. It may actually occur to you that your old friend is no longer someone you desire to be acting in your experience. You can take a break, and literally remove yourself from the situation. Know in your mind as well as your heart that this old friend was here to offer you information about yourself.
Now if your old friend beat you senseless, and left you on the side of the road to die you have a much much bigger consideration to meet as your experience. However it is still your experience, and your old friend is still an actor in your experience. The extreme violence, and behavior is something you would have to search within yourself to find any answer as to why something like this is “necessary’ to your conscious experience. This is of course an exaggerated example but it happens all the time in different formats, and reflects a very deep, and troubled consciousness. This is however a ‘reality’ for many many people, war, killing, abuse, violence, are all refections of a deeply unconscious identity, and fear is in control of this experience.
Lets assume you just don’t like the way your old friend is behaving, maybe they drink alcohol too much, and this bothers you. The ‘bother’ is about you, and the drinking is a behavior being shown to you because it brings up something in you that your consciousness desires to change or heal. Once you accept that the ego- you is not in control, and that a conscious presence  is expressed through your experience than only your ability to meet that is what matters.
What matters is what you place your attention on, and an ability of consciousness. If you pull your attention off of your old friend they will start to not matter into your experience. This works both ways, and if your old friend pulls their attention off of you, you will not matter into their experience but it has nothing to do with your experience. What other people do only matters to them, and what you do only matters to you.
Which brings me to being aware of DOING your life rather than BEING your life. This question of “when old friends are no longer a good fit” is a question generated out of a life experienced as DOING. Perhaps you are basing your question upon what your old friend is doing, and you are not taking notice of how YOU BE YOUR EXPERIENCE. This is a good example of allowing ourselves to be distracted from the power that comes with BEING fully present, and available  by the endless DOING of your life experience leaves you tired, and often times stressed about outcomes. This takes you completely out of present time, where you have sustainable energy, and into a pushing through life to get to where you are going unconsciously. This is not to say you don’t have to make an effort to accomplish anything but it does mean you have a clear choice of how that occurs within the experience you are having in present time. Often doing life is a  past time energy pattern engaged to ‘get to’ a future time expectation, and ultimately a complete distraction from your ability to BE a presence in the NOW.
When you BE the experience you start the process of meeting whatever is happening right NOW. The NOW is an experience, and a opportunity to meet anything fully present, and with your full conscious presence. This is a ability we all have emerging from within each of us as we choose to be consciously aware of the experience, and the people who show up. The question of your old friend is no longer relevant because when you are present in the NOW you are able to meet anything. You may not like it or feel comfortable around it but you are able to be present with whatever shows up. So the conceptual idea of ‘a fit’ is obsolete, and an old friend is an old friend. You don’t need to judge them or decide if they fit into your experience. If they show up in your experience you accept responsibility for their being there because you are consciously responsible for your experience. You may choose to spend less time with your old friend or perhaps talk to them about what YOU are going through resulting in your ability to meet them in present time.
You may be angry or upset with your old friend, and that is how it will BE for you until you are able to process the feelings you have, and accept the consequences of the choice you make, and the actions that result form those choices. All the power is within you, and being able to accept full power involves full responsibility. Not being able to forgive, forget, let go, or move on is a personal conscious ability, and ultimately a choice. Choice is something we ‘do’ or ‘be’ every moment. Meeting that moment consciously, and with full presence is a consciousness shifting opportunity, and is available to you in every moment.
When you operate from present time old friends are old friends, and time has graced your life with consistency of people. The past is over, and the future is not here yet. All you have is the NOW learn how to be a presence in this, and you will never have to ask a question like this again, because it doesn’t matter into your experience. Holding on to anger, hurt feeling, and judgements is a reaction, and not appropriate to your conscious evolution.
My suggestion is to meet your experience NOW. Meet your old friend NOW. If they are unavailable or angry with you, you now know that this is really about you, and your experience. Thank them for bringing it to your attention, and move on. It’s just information about your consciousness as it moves through your physical body.
Everything is always about you, and your ability to accept responsibility. It is true that people come, and go from our lives throughout our lives. Especially regarding your perceived reality emerging right now, and the consciousness necessary to support this experience. Old friends are old friends because of your perceptions with time. You have to ask yourself what is this question really about?
Your ability to meet your friends is also influenced by how well you are able to meet the experience you are having in present time. The only thing changing is you, and the conscious awareness you have right now in present time. Your friends old or new are actors in your experience. You are the experience you are having, and the people in your experience will reflect to you the the script you gave them to read. Remembering this simple consideration for meeting your experience will completely change ( heal) the way you go about BEING your life, and notice when you are DOING your life.
The idea of  ‘the fit’ is entirely your perceptions. Your friends may ‘do’, and act in ways that you don’t like, or cause you to feel pain. Once you own the entire experience as a consciousness shifting opportunity the emotions that emerge are the fuel used to propel the life force to grace the Earth.
Being able to accept that you are your experience will give you options you may not have considered before.